The Seven Deadly Holidays

It’s a little known fact that the seven deadly sins each have a holiday associated with that particular vice. Here are the sins and their special days:

The holiday for gluttony is, of course, Thanksgiving – a meal when people stuff themselves with more food than they usually eat in two days.

Christmas, of course. Buy this, buy that, I want this, I want that. The holiday greed starts in September these days, and won’t end until the after Christmas sales in… mid February?

New Year’s Eve. “Honey, Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw?” should be the theme sone of this holiday, not “Auld Lang Syne”

Valentine’s Day. Many people think that lust is the VD holiday, but it’s actually about envy – a holiday designed to make single people miserable. “Here’s a fun idea: let’s make a holiday about how everyone else is in a couple except you, and we’ll put it in the midst of the dreariest month of the year!”

Independence Day, otherwise known as the Fourth of July. We’re so proud of our beautiful nation, let’s blow up part of it.

Labor Day. What better way to honor the hard working members of our society than by drinking beer, grilling steaks and sleeping in the hammock?

Anger is the luckiest of sins, because it has not one but TWO holidays: Mothers Day and Father’s Day. Take your pick.